1 post tagged “internet”

In honor of the upcoming Olympics, what could you win a gold medal in?
Submitted by TheFiercestCalm.

I think I would win an Olympic medal in awesomeness.

I don't know if any of you on the big bad internetz know this, but I am the reason why Saturn is still in one piece.

A couple of years ago, several races of aliens threatened the civilization on Saturn. I had been going to Saturn almost every weekend for about a year in my friend's minivan and already I had built a nice little gas lake-front house and a reputation to go with it.

Around the first year anniversary of my first visit to one of the outer planets, we were visited by several groups of malevolent aliens who wanted to get rid of my nice little weekend home and the gas lake that was in front of it. Now, me and my other human friends love the tanning on Saturn. It's nice and cool, and it's much too far away from the sun that the UV doesn't reach you as fast as it does on Earth. I was not about to let this happen.

And so, a rubber band, two glow sticks, an out-of-tune Fender guitar, and seven shorn sheep later those fuckers were back on their home planet with a few sore appendages.

That's pretty damn awesome.