2 posts tagged “puerto rico”

It is currently one oh seven, and I have counted the blog entries I'm supposed to have to the ones I actually do, and have come up short. As of July second, I am supposed (emphasis on the word "supposed") to have ten blog entries, and including this one, I have seven.

And so, in order to rectify this amazing mistake, I am going to...

rectify.. it.

Yes.

Moving on.

Let me give you a slice of my life.

(Hence the cunningly and cleverly crafted title of the entry.)

I am seventeen.

I am currently enjoying what is left of my summer vacation and what is starting to become a very enjoyable indie rom-com in which I am currently the co-star.

I'm the host/editor/bumbling creative breeze behind The Poet's Passage Podcast. If it's on the internetz, that's my fault. I am very sorry.

And I am in Puerto Rico.

Sure, yuk it up. You'll laugh now because I'm on a ridiculously small island that has a ridiculously high humidity percentage, but when hell freezes over and global warming turns the Arctic Sea into a hot tub, I'll be wearing a wool sweater and going "What?!!?!?! Betch."

Let's see. Most people I meet consider me to be a poet, but I prefer to be labeled as "stable."

My hands don't like being still, and my ears love to hear new and strange things.

My motto has always been : If you love it, set it on fire and then film it and frame the cat.

(I'll get you, cats.)

I'm sure you've seen them: those blue and yellow dens of doom that lie silently in your strip malls and shopping centers, preying on the insipid and the gullible.

I'm talking, of course, about the Build-a-Bear workshop.

It's a large, marketplace-style store in which you and your idiot child can purchase a custom made, plushy chunk of the system. BABWS (that's right, I'm using acronyms already...I'm not screwing around.) bypasses the simple brown bear and uncorks the veritable can of worms that is custom stuffed animals. You can pick nearly any animal from the standard brown bear to the more unorthodox dog or cat and the daring turtle. Then you dress them.

That's right.

Dress them.

Each of these all-inclusive "standard" purchases, which include the carcass, polyfill, its "heart", one set of clothes, and a birth certificate run the average (moron) consumer around $100 USD.

Behold, consumers..the most idiotic waste of money since the Croc shoe.

The Build-a-Bear, um, BEAR.

Am I the only one who is just a tad exasperated by this, or am I just going nuts?

I am in the firm belief that stuffed animals should not cost any more than $20 USD, unless the aforementioned animal is handmade and/or one-of-a-kind, or has some sort of artistic or historical value. I also believe that things being the way they are, we should be less concerned with dumb-ass companies making boatloads of money by putting "bear" in the middle of every goddamn word.

Also, knitted toys are much, MUCH better.

Case in point: Jacinto. 

and Salvador.

At any rate, being in Puerto Rico allows us country bumpkins some leeway when it comes to mind-numbing consumer goods. We only just got phone lines and indoor plumbing last week. The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades.

Until approximately August of 2007, us jíbaros (pronounced HEE-bah-rohs) were blissfully free from such drivel.

And then the bears came.

To be fair, one cannot knock the availability, ingenuity, and marketability of these items, but the price just makes everything about BABWS and its sister companies (friends2bmade--for dolls. Think the bastard child of Barbie and Bratz with the same philosophy of BABWS) somehow sinister.

They excuse the steep cost of these polyfill rag dolls by donating ostentatiously to charity, which is not half bad, but why not bypass the damn teddy bears and give the c-note you were so selfishly spending on yourself to a children's hospital or a wildlife research fund? The charities recieve only a small part of whaterver BABWS makes, anyway, and only on special occasions when specific stuffed animals are built.

The price does not mirror the emotional quality of a standardized security blanket. The very same things they mean to replace with these mix-and-match teddy bears (a special, emotional companion..as described by their factsheet.) are worth thousands more if they were made by a loving relative, artisan, or the child itself.

In closing, I'd like to disclose that this blog topic was suggested by an avid consumer of BABWS, my otherwise intelligent cousin. She owns three of those wretched things, and belongs to the frequent buyer circle at BABWS, which means she unintelligently spent more than $1,000 USD there. I'm also pretty sure she doesn't own Crocs.

At least, I hope not.